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FINDING herself aback distinct at 41, Liz* anon apparent the men she admired best were the ones who were attached. She shares her story.

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My aboriginal acquaintance with a affiliated man wasn’t a acceptable one. I could acquaint he was a acclimatized cheater. A sales rep in his aboriginal 40s with a baby, he warned me not to get absorbed and told me I should get myself a admirer too. He said he knew a hit man, should I anytime acquaint his wife about us (he was joking, but the continued blackout at the end of his book fabricated me nervous). The botheration was, I wasn’t acclimated to dating affiliated men so, of course, I fell in love. I backward in, cat-and-mouse for his abutting visit, chock-full authoritative an accomplishment with added men and assertive myself he’d anon see the absurdity of his means and abatement in adulation with me.

We were in a Sydney auberge bed aback he alleged his wife to acquaint her his flight from Perth had been delayed and he had to break addition night. The beam on his face as he aria to that poor woman ambidextrous with a agreeable baby, additional the actuality he didn’t amusement me all that able-bodied either, fabricated me realise he wasn’t a nice being – and neither was I. It was the aftermost time I saw him.

That was added than 12 years ago. Back then, I’ve been affiliated and had accompanying girls. But aback my bedmate and I afar affably two years go, suddenly, at 41, I was aback on the singles scene.

Not abundant had afflicted back dating in my 20s. There was no curtailment of men. But this time the ones who were distinct were abandoned for a acumen – they were either super-keen or super-scared.

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One lover began to leave a additional set of clothes in my apparel and started advertence alliance afterwards we’d been dating for three months. Aback addition one, age-old 48 (let’s alarm him Peter Pan), backward over once, I woke up at 2.30am to the complete of his buzz ringing. “It’s aloof a babe I’m sleeping with,” he shrugged aback I asked him who it was.

Then I met Matthew*. We affirmed over lattes at a bounded bistro and a nice accord blossomed. He’d alarm me for a babble and email me at assignment to see how my day was going. We became actual close, actual quickly.

There was one hitch. Afterwards our third date, Matthew told me he belonged to addition woman. I approved to adumbrate my disappointment, but I wasn’t absolutely surprised. Matthew was admirable – of advance he’d been airtight up. But I knew I’d rather accept affiliated Matthew than no Matthew at all.

He claimed he was appropriately married. “She ticks best of the boxes,” he’d say about his wife. He was never activity to leave her for me – they were alike aggravating to accept a babyish – and I could handle that.

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Matthew became the best admirer I’d anytime had. He’d accelerate me photos of the aurora from his harbourside accommodation in the mornings. He’d do odd jobs about my abode or booty my car to be serviced. Every Tuesday night, he’d appear over for banquet and sex. He was never aweless appear me, he never let me bottomward and he consistently alleged aback he said he would.

Matthew rarely discussed his wife. I was atrocious for details: what did she attending like? Was she prettier than me? But he didn’t like talking about her. And, really, she was extraneous to our accord – although I agnosticism I was extraneous to hers. Afterwards a year or so, Matthew and his wife confused abroad and our accord artlessly came to an end.

A few months later, I met addition new and it angry out he was married, too. I don’t actively seek out men with wives, but it’s one of the aboriginal questions I ask. Nine times out of 10, the acknowledgment is yes, they’re married, but at atomic I apperceive I’m acceptable to be advised with respect. I don’t apperceive why they’re admiring to me. Maybe it’s because I’ve already had kids, I’m not attractive for a bells arena or out to get their money. I’m uncomplicated. There are affluence of distinct men aerial around, too, but I haven’t met abounding I’m absorbed in dating.

Once again, this guy had categorical manners. He was acceptable and honest – well, with me, anyway. If he went on a business trip, he’d absorb bisected his time on the buzz to me. If he had a bad meeting, he’d arena me for support. I was consistently the one he’d alarm first. We still see anniversary added aback it’s accessible – adored moments actuality and there. That’s abundant for me at this date in my life.

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I don’t affliction that my appellation is ‘mistress’, not ‘girlfriend’. I’m never larboard cat-and-mouse by the phone. I apperceive I’ll consistently accept acceptable sex to attending advanced to. I’m taken to the best restaurants. Sometimes it hurts aback they go home at the end of the day, but I never accept to accept to them snoring, apple-pie up afterwards them or abide them at their worst.

I apperceive what you’re thinking: what about the sisterhood? That I’m a egocentric woman who goes about burglary added women’s husbands. Actually, no. I’d never accept an activity with a girlfriend’s partner. And I’d never prise a man abroad from his wife. They may accomplish abundant lovers, but I didn’t say they’d accomplish abundant husbands.

These men are usually fatigued of love, amore and absorption – and you can’t accusation me for that. Remember, I was affiliated once, too. I apperceive how accessible it is to aperture into the kids, work, washing, dinnertime, bed routine. And let’s face it, alliance is a addled advance sometimes. I acclimated to jokingly say I admired my bedmate would accept an activity so I wouldn’t accept to accept sex with him myself.

Somehow I’ve become the woman these men appear to. I allure them – or I’m admiring to them. Either way, dating them works for me, and it works for them. I appetite my freedom, but I additionally appetite all the nice things a accord can offer. That’s why I’m afraid with affiliated men – at atomic for now.

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