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A photo of a attractive Black woman on bended knee captivation a arena box in advanced of her admirer has fabricated its way about the Internet. The woman pictured, who seems to be proposing alliance to her cogent other, is actuality alleged aggregate from blasphemous to atrocious as anybody tries to analyze the angel and what it means. We’re bright that the woman in the photo can propose, that women are able of demography such a advance in the controlling processes of their adulation relationships. But we’re not so bright about whether her demography the advance in this way is a acceptable thing.
In amazing ways, women accept accomplished abounding of the goals set alternating in the feminist and women’s liberation movements. As I wrote beforehand this month, they’re dabbling austere relationships and marriage, and cultivating accurate partnerships area both ally appropriately allotment aggregate from domiciliary affairs to parenting. It makes absolute faculty that, back women are arduous gender roles in every added aspect of their lives, they about-face things up back it comes to adulation and the alley to marriage.
Haven’t women been proposing to men anyway, in the anatomy of ultimatums? Frequently women advance their relationships appear marriage—so if their boyfriends aren’t authoritative moves to become their fiancés in the time they account appropriate, they generally airing away. We all apperceive couples that became affianced anon afterwards a breakup, and we beam with our girlfriends as they altercate their man’s allegation to accomplish up his apperception afore they get ghost.
I’d altercate that although women haven’t commonly been the ones on their knee captivation those sparkly, big-ticket design rings (which are absolute scams anyway), they’ve generally been in allegation of accepting themselves and their lovers to the altar.
Of course, those who anticipate and alive commonly booty affair with women proposing to men. What about courage and courtship, of the ritual complex in a man allurement the woman he loves to absorb her activity with him? While discussing this affair with friends, a macho acquaintance argued that if a man doesn’t accept a woman with a proposal, he won’t amount and accept her in the marriage. It confuses accustomed order, addition changeable acquaintance explained.
“It’s affectionate of like the moment you brainstorm your accomplished life… I’ve apparent that in movies. I’ve apprehend that in books. You don’t appetite to absence out on that moment,” says Jessica Deegan, a woman profiled in a column at CBS News apropos this possibly new trend in assurance proposals. It’s true, abounding women accept spent abundant of their lives absent of the appropriate day their Prince Charming pledges his adulation forever, and absolution go of that fantasy is difficult. Ultimately, it’s about the bodies complex and no one else.
If both bodies in the accord are accommodating to advance accomplished acceptable gender roles and ideas, again a woman proposing shouldn’t be an issue. I don’t see a woman who chooses to adduce as desperate, although I’m abiding that happens. (There are additionally men who adduce in desperation—i.e., the guy who buys the arena afterwards he’s accustomed the boot.)
I don’t necessarily see them as some super-empowered feminist caricatures either. I appearance them as women who apperceive what they appetite and are accommodating to go afterwards that thing. I anticipate it’s absolutely badass to breach acquiescence and attitude in that way.
But here’s the thing: if a woman chooses to advance acceptable gender roles aside, again she charge be accommodating to do it absolutely if necessary. If, as a woman, you accept a role commonly apparent as a administration role, you shouldn’t apprehend your accomplice to advance the relationship. I see this appear often. Women appetite to beacon a relationship—which is not a bad thing—but alone back they appetite to be in control.
Am I adage that if a woman proposes to a man, she shouldn’t apprehend him to accept the acceptable roles of “provider” and “protector”? Not necessarily. But I am adage that such roles usually assigned as macho should be approached added fluidly and assigned according to who in the accord is best capable.
In all, is the trend of women proposing to men a bad thing? Maybe, maybe not. Anniversary accord is different, and anniversary brace in that accord has the ability to carve their affiliation the way they want. We must, however, be alert of the decisions we accomplish and how those decisions set the accent for our relationships activity forward. And women shouldn’t alpha what they’re afraid to continue.
Josie Pickens is an educator, cultural analyzer and solider of love. Follow her musings on Twitter @jonubian.
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