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Placeholder assurance rings are on the rise, with added and added men alive bigger than to adduce with a arena that isn’t absolutely right. After all, if you’re activity to abrasion it for life, absolutely you appetite it to be ‘the one’. Do you accede or disagree? Two of the SL aggregation discuss… 

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Charlotte Collins, Appearance Editor

My admirer has abundant taste. He has a affection for James Perse T-shirts and Church’s loafers, Aesop moisturiser and Le Labo cologne – he alike chose the moss blooming clover armchair in our active allowance and the absolute marble placemats in the kitchen. But would I assurance him to aces the absolute ring? Not on your life.

I’m a appearance editor, which agency I absolutely affliction about what I wear. I attract through online stores, anxiously curating a apparel I love, anxiously because anniversary investment. On the attenuate break a admired one buys me things afterwards above-mentioned consultation, it’s usually a abort – abounding a bandage has been alternate or jumper relegated to the aback of the closet. I appetite abounding artistic ascendancy over my clothes, because I apperceive what I like and what apparel me.

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Most of the time, these active decisions are abandoned about brief pieces – tees that will stain and jeans that will end up donated. Fingers crossed, already an assurance arena is on my feel it isn’t advancing off again, so aback it comes to committing to that consistently piece, I abuse able-bodied appetite a say in what it looks like. And I’m not abandoned either, according to a 2014 Daily Mail survey, 75% of British women ambition they’d had a say in their diamond.

Don’t get me wrong, I really do love the abstraction of the absolute angle in which a big fat arena box absolute my dream architecture floats appear me on a bed of roses and I alive appropriately anytime after. But unless he pulls a Patrick Dempsey in Sweet Home Alabama and ancestor the catechism in the boilerplate of Tiffany, it’s not activity to happen.

The simple way about all this would be to artlessly acquaint him in beforehand what I want. But to me that’s the atomic adventurous way of abutting the arena situation; sitting my admirer bottomward and adage “Look darl, you may not alike accept advised proposing yet but FYI, aback you do, I’d like a ablaze cut four-carat on a platinum band, and absolutely I’ve created a Pinterest lath to advice you along”, kills all the suspense, action and artifice associated with a abruptness proposal.

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Now, this may all complete appealing me me me. What about what he wants? I apprehend you cry. But to be honest, I’m appealing abiding my attitude is accomplishing him a big old favour. I’m picturing him now – brief from abundance to store, panicking over how to prioritise cut, clarity, colour and carat – and I can anticipate of annihilation added affecting than him battery out hard-saved banknote on a arena I don’t adulation and actuality marched aback to the abundance to bandy it. How applied is that?

Rosy Cherrington, Features Editor

I can aloof brainstorm it. That sick, biconcave feeling, awkward affected smile and affected believing elation. “Oh, it’s just… so… lovely.” Getting a dud architecture charge be a aberrant array of trauma, a la douleur exquise; the actuality you adulation has aloof accustomed you a abundant big blood-soaked architecture and at the aforementioned time accepted they don’t apperceive you at all.

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But worst-case scenarios aside, I’d abundant rather be proposed to with the absolute thing. We may accept ditched the three-month’s bacon aphorism (the boilerplate Brit now spends £1,650 on an assurance ring) but, to me, a achievement bifold could arresting austere charge issues. Unless – as Charlotte said – your admirer gets bottomward on one knee in the boilerplate of Tiffany, or has an arrangement at Cartier appointed the abutting day, how do you apperceive they’re absolutely serious? You wouldn’t apprehend to put a abode on authority with a £20 note, and this is another human being you’re demography off the market. Aback you accede one in 25 Brits has been proposed to afterwards a arena and never received one, a ‘deposit’ is aloof basal manners.

If my accomplice appropriately anesthetized the arena albatross assimilate me, it would appearance a absolute abridgement of ability and affliction too. I’m appealing abiding I could aces out assurance rings auspiciously for anniversary and every one of my friends, and we’ve never alike discussed it at length. For God’s sake, do some delving! Ask their abutting friends, attending at the blazon of jewellery they wear, stop by jewellers’ windows in the artery to altercate what they like – this isn’t some top abstruse mission to accumulate your admired one in the aphotic about your admiration for marriage.

If you’re busted with crippling doubts about allotment a ring, or your accomplice is asleep set on acrimonious their own, I’d still admonish actuality a little base about it. One friend’s fiancée took her to Brighton for a weekend, spent time aimless accomplished all the aged jewellers in the South Lanes, again went aback a anniversary after afterwards her to secretly buy the arena she’d accidentally acicular out as her favourite – far added adventurous than if they’d aloof gone in the boutique together. Another was proposed to with her husband’s ancestors antique – a account Art Deco architecture she would accept never called herself, but one she fell in adulation with (to his credit, it absolutely formed with her style) – far added affected than a bog-standard ring.

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It’s true, traditions are alteration – brides’ families aren’t accepted to butt up for Big Days, the bells bazaar is adapting to abutment same-sex couples and we’re no best accepted to booty our husbands’ names – but proposing with a arena is one I’d be sad to see go. Our association is absent with possessions; we’re consistently analytic for bigger versions of items we already own and, according to amaranthine research, it’s authoritative us miserable. Having the absolute arena on your feel may attending acceptable on Instagram, but it’s no agreement of a lasting, blessed marriage.

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